Cherishing the Bond of Sisterhood

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me." When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. - Ruth 1:16-18

The book of Ruth opens with the tragedy of a woman, Naomi, that masks the bonds of sisterhood that had developed between her and her daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah. The Scripture gives strong indications that they shared something much more profound than a mother-daughter bond that developed and was nurtured over ten years before the deaths of Naomi's sons. Along with the death of Naomi's husband and two sons, I imagine many shared experiences, conditions, and concerns became the hallmark of their relationship. During those ten years, these three women interacted in ways in which they provided support and encouragement, rebuke and correction, mentorship, counseling, and a foundation and shoulder to stand on, which extended beyond their marital connection and ignored the lack of a blood tie. Unspoken words, covert actions, and compassion for another person sealed their fate without them giving it a name. But for us, it is an opportunity to witness three women living in the natural formation of the bond of sisterhood.

I was blessed always to have some form of sisterhood in my life. I was born into the Rogers sisterhood of Barbara, Janice, and Tonya, extended to my cousin sisterhood of Virginia, Joann, Teresa, Lynn, and Fran. I was raised through high school in the sisterhood of skipping to school arm-in-arm with Vanessa, heart entwined forever with Leslie and Delores, and cherished memories with Cheryl, Eleanor, and Dorothy. While attending Rutgers University, I understood what it meant to be a part of a sisterhood with my roommates, Beverly, Yvette, Virginia, and Marie, and Malik Melodies Sisterhood, Inc. However, every day, new sisterhoods manifest around me as my line sisters and Sorors of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., the women of The A.M.E. Zion Church, my clergy sisters across denominations, neighbors, former students, and coworkers. These connections often began as friendships but morphed into something more powerful, the bond of sisterhood with the same characteristics found in the relationship between Naomi and her daughters-in-law. We as women must cherish this bond as it is intrinsic to our becoming, belonging, and succeeding in the purpose God has created for us.

Becoming through Shared Experiences, Conditions, and Concerns

The concept of becoming carries definitions that are the basic structure of the life’s journey of many of my sisters. We all go through the process of becoming something or passing into different states of existence. Michelle Obama tackles the concept of becoming in her memoir Becoming. She portrays it as the ability to adapt to the many changes she has gone through in her life. The key that she expounds upon to becoming is to avoid getting stuck in any stage by holding fast to the identity found at that stage or the beliefs, culture, tradition, or ideologies germane to that season of life. She states,

Becoming isn't about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn't end.

Becoming is an ongoing process of evolving and self-creation with the understanding that more change is always required.

Naomi started as a wife and mother of two sons, who left their hometown of Judah when it was experiencing a famine. Sometimes, sisters will take drastic measures in the best interest of their family and others, becoming something else for the situation. They settled in Moab, which was unaffected by the famine. Here, Naomi experiences a significant blow to the state of being a wife and mother in a foreign land; she becomes a widow at the death of her husband and, soon after, a mother-in-law to two Moabite women. For ten years, she becomes connected to these two women, though it is initiated by their marriage to her sons.

Now, however, three women have begun to be something they once were not before the marital status of Naomi's sons changed. They shared the experience of being wives to Jewish men and living in the land of Moab. At the ten-year mark, they all experience another major shift in their status at the death of both of Naomi's sons. They all have become widows living in the land of Moab. They all share the same conditions and concerns as women without a covering, women who in that society had no property or wealth, and women whose value and worth were found in the men they married or gave birth to, who were now nonexistent. The Scripture does not describe all their experiences and how they turned into this sisterhood, how Naomi qualified or was accepted into this bond with Ruth and Orpah, or how she acquired the status of a beloved sister. We do know from the words in this Scripture that Naomi points out a trait most common in sisterhood relationships: kindness. She commends Ruth and Orpah for their kindness, generosity, helpfulness, and caring to her and her sons. Naomi reciprocated their kindness, and the relationship established through marriage was transformed into and turned out to be a sisterhood reflected in the following actions. Many women will agree that sisterhood is a relationship of action more so than the words that we express.

In Ruth 1:8-9, Naomi implores Ruth and Orpah to return to their mother's home and pray for them. Her prayer denotes how she has come to care for them, perhaps because of their kindness or because she desires that they not have the same life she has come to know as a widow and grieving mother. Her words portend a desire that their next evolution would be one where they would be able to begin their lives anew with new husbands that she would not be able to birth for them or ones they would wait for.

Though this relationship seems like a mother-daughter relationship formed, I, and many other women, can see the sisterhood that developed. Many women and I have forged bonds of sisterhood with our birth mothers, those who adopt us as and assume the role of mothers or serve as our big sisters or mentors. In the text, Naomi does not refer to Ruth or Orpah as a daughter. She directs them to go home to their mothers, making it clear that she is not. She further removes herself from the role of mother to Ruth and Orpah by identifying her sons as their dead husbands, further delineating no mother-daughter ties. However, her words reflect deep care for them and a desire for them to have good lives in the home of another husband. In turn, they desired to go with her and not be separated. Their bond of sisterhood appears to have been forged by their shared experience of being women loving and connected to the same men, shared conditions of women, whose worth and livelihood were found in the men they were married to or shared a bloodline, and in this, the bond of sisterhood was formed and cherished.

The bonds of sisterhood that I share with women worldwide brought us together because of our shared experiences, conditions, and concerns. My college roommates and I were shaping our futures while learning how to make good life decisions, cultivate healthy relationships, and grow up to be strong women and leaders in our homes, jobs, and communities. Now, most of my sisterhoods revolve around the church, not only The A.M.E. Zion Church but the universal church of God and conducting ministry. Our experiences, conditions, and concerns vary, but they have many common denominators, beginning with being women in a male-dominated and culture-oriented calling. I cherish these bonds of sisterhood because these women understand me, and many intentionally provide the care, support, rebuke, mentorship, and counseling I need, whether I know it or not, seek it or not, to become who God has purposed me to be. They help fuel the courage to defy the bonds of tradition, norms, policies, and practices that threaten to bind me to and have me stuck in one status of life, but to transform, evolve, and receive new identities as I continue to become. I used my time, talent, and resources to help my sisters become. I was guiding my sisters like Niatika from cheerleader to executive for the government and now entrepreneur, encouraging and supporting sisters like Terry as she navigates education, ministry, industry, and relationships, pulling and pushing sisters like Netetia into networks needed to complete her job, and providing a platform for clergywomen to speak to the world. I cherish the bond of sisterhood as it helps us to help one another become what God has purposed us to be. 

Belonging through the Bond of Mutual Feelings of Kinship and Closeness

The Cambridge Dictionary defines belonging as “a feeling of being happy or comfortable as part of a particular group and having a good relationship with the other members of the group because they welcome you and accept you.” The preceding passages reflect that Naomi belonged in this sisterhood that developed between her, Ruth, and Orpah. Though she implored them to leave her and prayed for their security, her kisses and weeping communicate the grief of losing these women with whom she shared this bond. Her actions and their strong request to remain with her and return with her to Judah reflected the mutual feelings of kinship and closeness indicative of the bond of sisterhood. They belonged to that sisterhood of a vital connection. Even though Orpah conceded to Naomi's request, it does not reflect that she desired to extract herself as they all wept aloud at the impending separation because I am sure Naomi's words held meaning and wisdom to them. Naomi's words provided the guidance they needed, the rebuke they needed, the caring they required, with their future in mind, and to keep them from being stuck and identified as widows for the rest of their lives. It would give them the opportunity as young women to create new states of belonging that transcend the bitterness of being a widow without the experience of having a life partner, bearing children, and establishing other bonds they share.

Belonging to my sisterhoods can be a challenge when culture swallows our efforts whole. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Culture eats strategy for dinner?" A culture filled with its traditions, policies, practices, and beliefs, including an understanding of the word of God, can pit sister against sister. It also creates an environment of competitiveness to be the only girl in the room, at the table, and in the know, which overshadows the existence of the sisterhood bonds that continue to thrive despite it. Though very powerful, these conditions meet their match when sisters find bonds that seal their belonging. Being accepted for who you are, how you are, and all other good or bad characteristics you possess and feeling welcome in an unwelcoming society brings immeasurable comfort and happiness that extends into the joy God intends for us to have. The beauty of it is that the more we intentionally make our sisters feel welcome and accepted, the more we heighten their feelings of value to the sisterhood and the organization, the family, the community, and the church. The more we belong, the more culture has to shift to make room for us as individuals and sisters. Then, our bonds of sisterhood will be cherished by us and by all who are benefactors of the change that has occurred for the glory of God and the good of His people.

Succeeding through the Cherished Bond of Sisterhood

Naomi had a plan for Ruth and Orpah and was determined to succeed. Her bitterness fueled her plan because of the loss of her husband and two sons. She had become a grieving widow who now belonged to a group of grieving widows. In her plan, she desired that the other widows, Ruth and Orpah, not remain in that state. Her goal was for them to have a better future. A future awaits them in their mother's home and the marriage to another man. She partially succeeded in her efforts, and Orpah finally conceded to her efforts with a kiss goodbye. However, when it came to Ruth, it appears the bond formed between them was too strong for them to let go of, so she clung to Naomi. Naomi continued to work on her plan, even interjecting an additional benefit to returning to her people like Orpah, that she would return to her gods. Until now, Naomi had only mentioned God when it came to her bitterness as the Lord turned His hand away from her. She felt that God had neglected her in the deaths of her husband and sons.

However, that became the lynchpin of Ruth's plan, which obliterated Naomi's and sealed their bond of shared sisterhood. She would worship Naomi's God, the one Naomi felt neglected her, witnessed Naomi and her sons worshipping, the one she prayed to for them, asked to bless them, and expressed appreciation for their kindness. Her new faith and decision to worship Naomi's God reflected where the root of her cherishing this sisterhood derived. Ruth's reply not only asked her to stop urging her to leave or turn her back on her, but it also communicated the bond's depth. She was going wherever Naomi went; wherever she lived, she was living there, too. Whatever people she belonged to, she would belong to. And, wherever she died, she would die and be buried right alongside her. Those things symbolized the bond of sisterhood, but her conversion from whatever gods she worshipped back home to faith in Naomi's God, the Lord Almighty, reflected success in God's plan. Naomi realized that Ruth was determined, and I am sure Ruth's statement of conversion was more than enough to convince her, so she stopped urging her to go. As a result, if you read the book of Ruth in its entirety, you find that because of the bond of sisterhood Ruth and Naomi shared and their collective faith in God, even through the grief, they succeeded in Naomi's plan of Ruth having a promising future, but they succeeded in Naomi's joy being restored.

My sisters and I have enjoyed many successes and experienced many failures. However, if we continue to immerse our bonds of sisterhood in the word of God and spread the love of God to one another, our successes will outweigh our failures. Despite any rejection, denial, neglect, or persecution we come against, if we cherish the bonds of sisterhood in Christ Jesus, we already have the victory.