Surviving the Holidays While Grieving

Holidays are a time of celebration, joy, thanksgiving, and appreciation. However, if you are grieving, they can also bring feelings of sadness, emptiness, and disappointment. Finding ways to take care of yourself during this season is essential. I had the opportunity to connect with Dr. Ian Bell-Jefferson, a Doctoral student of Clinical Psychology at California Southern University and a member of First A.M.E. Zion Church—San Francisco, about navigating grief during the holidays.

What are some ways that people can get through the holidays while grieving?

• Do not isolate yourself. You can spend time alone but do not dwell in loneliness.
• Spend time with your family, church family, and friends in person or via video chat apps.
• Practice gratitude daily by praying, meditating, and focusing on the good things in your present life. Even just 1 minute of reflecting on what you are grateful for helps to maintain positive mood levels
• Listen to uplifting music to boost your mood

How to take care of loved ones and yourself?

• Find time to do the things you enjoy, such as crafting, decorating, participating in holiday activities, and listening to your favorite music station.
• Spend time in nature: walk, watch nature videos, or drive somewhere peaceful.
• Get 6-8 hours of sleep per night.
• Do not skip meals; eat plenty of fruits and veggies for needed vitamins and nutrients for energy.
• Stay active! Engage in physical activity, even if it takes 5 minutes to stretch daily.
• Try to avoid processed foods and sugary drinks. Stay hydrated by drinking water instead.

How do we honor loved ones who recently passed?

• Always keep a special place in your heart honoring your loved ones and reflecting on the memories you share.
• Keep a picture or a sentimental item around to help you feel connected to the spirit that watches over you.

What final advice do you have for those experiencing grief during the holidays?

Understand the five stages of grief by Kuebler-Ross:

1. Denial
1. In this stage, you are not able to process the loss of the loved one.  The emotions and thoughts are so intense, and your brain cannot conceptualize that the person is no longer physically present. Mentally and emotionally, you cannot understand that they are not here anymore.
2. Anger
1. In this stage, you experience a valid emotion. When we lose a loved one, we have no control over it. It is that feeling of not being in control of that person being here on earth. You feel helpless.
3. Bargaining
1. In this stage, you experience different thoughts. “If I had just been there.” You feel like it is your fault and feel guilty and ashamed towards losing your loved one.
4. Depression
1. In this stage, you experience a natural mood that many people experience. When you lose someone, you feel sadness, pain, excruciating sorrow, hopelessness, and difficult emotions.
5. Acceptance
1. In this stage, you are at peace with the loss of your loved one.  You can honor the loved one and think about their memories. You are content with their passing. You may still experience the other steps in the acceptance stage, as grief is not linear.

What resources are there for those who are grieving?

Find a therapist:

- therapyforblackgirls.com

- betterhelp.com

- christiancounselingcenter.org

Books:

- Hope and Healing During the Holidays by Jayne Flaagan

- Surviving the Holidays Without You by Gary Roe